June 10th, 2010
I've always thought that this was a wonderful picture.
Perhaps it's just because I'm a hopeless romantic..
On not such a morbid note, here is a very good video : )
Hope someone enjoys my random post <3
May 12th, 2010
This is a series of random rhymes I have written:
I am with each breath I inhale
The taste of smoke is stale
But it's something I crave, like ex at a rave
Something I need the nicotine...
for my lungs to breathe
the pale purple skies made me realize
that it shouldn't have been such a surprise
because you my friend, helped open up my eyes
so i could see the world, and myself inside
in my own reality i shoot up electricty
to give my heart a jump start its a necessity
it all traces back to the beginning...
if i knew the waltz, i'd waltz into your life.
i'd burn the ground around me
and use the charcoal to scar your image into my book of strife, of love, of pain,
of everything thats ever drove me insane,
star in the sky, listen to me now, i do not lie, i don't know how
these tracks in my veins on them rides a train
that leads my blood and mind to think of you
that is true.
I've always made the mistake of hearing words,
but what you don't see is what i've already heard.
your words are my eyes to my mouth and insides.
But if silence is golden, than I am the snake
my fangs sink deep in into the flesh of our fantasy.
Please I beg of thee. Just evaporate with me.
Now I'm just skeletal remains, nothing but skin, bones, and pain
My body is burning, while I'm all alone...
I've turned my back on our savoirs,
I've asked the devils for favors,
I had to sell my soul just to be told my insides wont be so fucking cold
that all this pain will someday be gone and to paradise I'll move on
to a better place into a time and space
instead of just laying here in my bed half past dead all alone in my room wishing somone would put a gun to my head
and have mercy on me bring me to the end and just let me sleep
the centipedes in my viens are driving me insane and with all the holes in my brain, living each day in the astral plane. or some shit along those lines but please don't listen to me unless you're on the brink of insanity HAHAHA
Try to write in down, I'll burn down this fucking town.
I'm the only one that will offer to show you around, a world burnt to the ground
Just imagine a space that fire purified this place, a cataclysmic storm of my lyrical disaster
No cage can hold me, I bow to no gods, heed to no masters
The only shackles I have are on my own heart,
But that is a story i will not even begin to start.
May 11th, 2010
this is what i look like today for those who didn't know
March 30th, 2010
We are all pitiful humans, that think we play a bigger role in the movie "life" than we truely do. One human life-time amounts to next to nothing in the vast infinities of the universe. So it seems to me that it is all truely pointless, everything we strive for, hoped for, longed for, tried for, it will ALL be taken away... No matter how much you went through to obtain it. This does not only concern material possesions either if that's what you were thinking. No, humankind is a social organism based on complex relations between individuals. From companies to couples we all try to join something bigger, the football team, the nice family, the great job, the promotion, mankind is naturally greedy, always taking from one another. Though, I do not believe each and everyone one of us deliberatley sets our goals based on the greed of man. I don't have much, what I do have I respect, but when it comes to our physical possesions I try not to let them bind me or make me feel the need to obtain more. Now relationships with people, that's a whole different story. I have bi-polar disorder and schizoid personality disorder, this makes for some rough times in my relations. I get attached to people and I believe everything they tell me, just to make the same mistakes over and over again. I'm tired of "love" it don't work for me I've tried and tried to no avail. What else can I do? I choose to just sit and write, so I don't go completely insane... yet. It really does sadden me when I think about how insignificant it all truely is, all of the daily struggles we come face to face with everyday, all the pain, all the pleasure, but at the time of death it just seems to me none of it matters. Who are we trying to fool? This answer is ourselves. Why should we have to go through so much in our short span of life just to be thrown six feet down. We do it to be remembered, but you know what, everyone that remembers you is also going to die, so memories become nothing and fade away... unless you a true wonder of mankind and history alters with your will. I feel sorrry for everyone.
March 28th, 2010
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: SONICBOOMSIX
Since I was about four years of age, I've had an unnatural obsession over Terminator (shit... I wanted to be a damn terminator, who didn't?). I am a hopeless/useless pot-head/hustler. How I would love to be in school, getting some kind of degree but I'm kind of paranoid about the whole 2012 apocalypse. THAT! would be just my luck to start college then BAM alien invaders, zombies, nuclear warfare, asteroid impact, solar flares, and all of that other conspiracy theorist bs. My back is always hurting nowadays. I wish I could just run like I used too. It's like all of my friends are dead or something, anymore I'm a social hermit I like to stay confined in my four walls. My room is the only place that still offers any familiarity to me. How tired I have become trying to figure out what I am. It's been making me even more crazy then when I just don't think about the gender, jobs, money, bills, roles, medical care, education, gas, hell, morals, social status, hair, hygiene, so much is constantly on my mind. Why am I even wasting my time writing this no one will bother reading hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah6hahahahah66hahahaha666!!! Check out my band myspace.com/parasitesofparadiseband
January 2nd, 2010
At times I feel confined in this place. The shackles of society dig deeply into my ankle, chaffing the irritated skin. Thoughts running amuck, rampaging like wild dogs, as I take a long drag off of a cheap paul maul light.
"It sure is cold," I mutter to myself, the only one here to listen. In the winter season the feeling of isolation becomes prominent, even with minimal ice covering the ground, the soul is still snowed in. The doctors explain this phenomena simply as seasonal depression.
I often ponder in an almost dreamlike state of awareness the unexplainable, unreachable wild. Eyes blank, mind trivial of anything unexplored. Is there something left to be found, if so then where is this buried treasure? Stabbing at the power button with my index, the screen begins to flash into life... static. When a jab at the channel button, reveals, more static... cables out. They say static on a television is actually leftover microwaves from the big bang, is this how the creation of our universe looked? A black, white, and gray jumble of chaos. Chaotic neutrality, the human soul thrives upon it. Nature, life, death, family, enemies, good, evil, all just vintage black and white photographs.
I bet you're wondering what this story is about, but you know what, so am I. I'm only just beginning the process, just another pass at self examination, trying to figure out my role as a parasite on this paradise our kind has been slowing destroying for milenia. Earth, a daughter of the stardust that shapes everything, a mother to all her mortal inhabitants, an emerald floating in the cosmos. Human kind has been cruel to our planet, our mother, bleeding her dry, some taking more than their share, whilst others do without. I ask this question: Where does mercy come into play? Sadley, I do not know.
Anyways, back to chaotic neutrality. Interaction between humans has always been complete chaos. We can't just sit around, we feed off one another. Wars have raged on within our tribal society since the begining. Man killing man, pillaging from our brothers and sisters what isn't ours, for the sake of profit gained. Looking back, we really haven't changed much in the time we have spent on this planet. If anything, I believe we have regressed, dependent on our machines that simplify these simpleton lives we live. If forced to live solely from the land, would we be able to survive and flourish as our ancestors did in the distant past?
January 1st, 2010
you can call me by any name, all these words are just the same
spinning clockhands and grinding gears, where have you been for all these years
just two kids with nothing to lose, no worries nothing to prove
theyve only seen each other once, since that day all theyve done is want
i dont care what you say
im gonna live my life this way
smokin blunts and poppin pills
i get high till i feel ill
drink a 40oz smoke a bowl
cant get out cant stay long
thats why im gonna sing this song
i dont have a job im an ignorant slob, just a white trash piece of shit, you fuck with me, i say fuck you bitch!
that pain. i feel. inside. its eating. me. alive. nows. the time. to decide. whether you. should live. or die.
praise satan our dark lord and master!
angel of mercy, my angel of death, will you please save me, just take my last breath,
i see such strange things, watching the night sky, visionary kings, i ask myself why,
Why! Why! Chariots in the sky
Why! Why! Do you hear out their lies
Lies! Lies! Fucking government tries
Tries! Tries! To cover up our eyes
so we cant fucking see, whats really happening
in the dark galaxy, thats surrounds you and me
lets pause destiny, check our reality
just take a step back, smoke up on some crack
sittin back relaxin, my brains collapsin
the drug man is taxing, on this weed im packin
fucking jesus christ, i'm such a failure, at everything i try
Men turn into mice, i'm such a coward, i then ask myself why
did i think, if anything that this would fucking last
i should have known, because it had happened in the past
Look at me, i'm just a paranoid social outcast
i'm gonna dream, till my body decides to collapse
Current Music: ghetto blaster
Can't fucking hide from the demons inside
They're like a swarm of bees my soul the hive
I'll embrace the darkness for all it's worth
This distraught body will return to dirt
Look at me a homocidal maniac
If ripped to shreds can I have a heart attack
How my body aches and my brain decays
Living a lost life on these borrowed days
You wonder why I even fucking tried
Faith that I had is the reason I died
I hate the fate that put me in this place
Take off my mask and I'll show you my face
True embodiment of purest evil
My eyes are blank my mind is trivial
Face uncovered see that terrible grin
Greed you had awoke this horrible sin
Experience life open up your eyes
We're all blind to strife and then we die